Breakups are the worst! When a relationship comes to an end it can make you feel as though the walls are closing in on you. There’s simply no quick fix for getting over someone, but there are a few things that are helpful to remember when you’re facing heartache.
Here are some words of advice (with a little bit of personal experience thrown in there too!)
- If someone breaks up with you, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
If someone has decided to end a relationship with you it’s completely normal to wonder if it’s because you weren’t enough. A break up can have huge consequences for your self-esteem and can affect the way you see and speak to yourself. When I was 16 my boyfriend told me that he wanted to ‘go on a break’. I was devastated. I spent a long time criticising myself for not being mature enough or pretty enough for him. The reality is that relationships break down for lots of reasons and you shouldn’t feel any less beautiful or worthy if yours hasn’t worked out. Even though you might not feel it, there is someone out there who thinks you’re amazing
- It’s a good thing for some relationships to end
It can be really difficult to notice when you aren’t being treated nicely by a romantic partner. In some cases, it can be a good thing for a relationship to end and, although it definitely doesn’t feel like it at the time, your future self will thank you for being strong. The relationship I found myself in when I was 15 made me really unhappy. I was made to feel like I wasn’t enough, like I needed to act older than I was. There was a lot of pressure to be someone I wasn’t. I went back to that relationship time and time again. Your time is precious, if you’re unhappy when you’re dating someone then it might not be for the best. A breakup is very sad but it can lead to some really happy future years without you even knowing it yet.
Whether you’re 14,15,16… it doesn’t matter what age you are, dating is supposed to be fun!
- Have some space to work out what you want
Time and space are real healers. It’s good to have some space from an ex, especially when you’re feeling emotional. This might mean making an effort to avoid messages, phone calls and their social media profiles for a while so you can work out how you feel and what you want. Focusing on other things you love, spending time with friends or putting your passion into a project will help you to focus your attention elsewhere.
- Listen to the people who love you
Friends and siblings are usually experts in telling you the difficult things that you don’t want to hear! It’s important that you don’t live in your own head all the time, other people can help you have a rational view on life when you’re feeling overwhelmed by sadness. There was a time when I had decided to let someone back into my life who wasn’t good for me, when I look back I always wish I had moved on and spent more time making memories with my friends at school. I was constantly told by friends and family that it wasn’t right for me, but I chose not to listen. Try to consider the advice coming from the people that love you, even the stuff you would rather not hear!
- Be kind
If you are ending a relationship with someone, make sure that you are sensitive to the way they might be feeling too. Even if you are finding the distance hard, try to avoid encouraging contact. Continued communication can be misleading for the other person and often hurts them more! Make sure that your words are honest but also kind. If you need space and support from friends and family, so will they! If you’re finding a breakup heartbreaking, there’s a good chance they will be feeling that way too!
Finally, remember how brilliant you are! A relationship doesn’t define you and the pain you feel from a break up won’t last forever- I promise! Break ups help you to decide what you want from a relationship and what you would do differently next time. So, be reflective but don’t dwell on it. Only YOU and God get to decide who you are, so be kind to yourself and remember that you were fearfully and wonderfully made… and no break up can change that.
‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.’ John 14:27
