Nowadays we are surrounded by relationships. We see them everywhere – movies, social media and even adverts. It can be easy to idolise relationships and marriage and see singleness as a negative without even noticing!
The truth is, you might get married one day and you might not – and in both marriage and singleness, there are joys and challenges – but what you definitely will be at some point is single, so I think it’s worth talking about and getting to grips with!
This isn’t a marriage-bashing post. In fact I think that marriage is beautiful and I see so many wonderful, God-honouring marriages around me. But I definitely think we should celebrate singleness more and I wish that when I was in my teens someone had told me that being single was worth more than ‘waiting’ and that like marriage, and school and family life, singleness is something that you can do well and honour God with…
Know that singleness is a gift
I know it doesn’t always seem this way (especially on a Saturday night when your friends are hanging out with their other halves and you’re snuggled up with your teddy) but it is, I promise! God is our Father who loves us and gives us what we need, when we need it. Commit to believing this in your head and God will work on your heart.
Make the most of your time
When you’re single, you have more time than you realise – use it wisely! Instead of scrolling through social media and feeling sorry for yourself (I am the most guilty of this) why don’t you use that extra time to volunteer at church or in the community? You could even spend time with God – worshipping, praying, reading the Bible or just being still. I can guarantee it will be time well-spent.
Don’t isolate yourself
As well as spending time with God, spend time with family and friends, and invest in community. We were not designed to walk through life alone!
Find completeness in God
Jesus is the only one who can fill that emptiness that you feel. If you struggle with it as a single person, you’ll still struggle with it when you’re married. While you are single, take the time to get firmly rooted in God and His love for you. Allow Him to fill that hole.
Live from your identity in Christ and not your relationship status
There isn’t one relationship status that is better than another, and there isn’t one relationship status that can define you. Ask God to show you your identity in Him and live out of that. You are who He says you are.
1 comment
When Paul calls singleness a “gift,” I don’t think he’s referring to singleness as a “present.” Remember, Paul did not write his epistles in English. He uses the same word he uses for spiritual gifts. He even says in verse 7 that these gifts are “from God.”
You don’t have to be “content” with being single. in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul actually says that if you’re NOT content with being single, then maybe you should get married.
“When you’re single, you have more time than you realise – use it wisely!” This is a common interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35. Paul basically says here that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then MAYBE you have the gift of singleness. And, of course, in English, “distracting” has a negative connotation. But it seems more like Paul is making the simple observation that marriage puts more demands on your attention than singleness, in general.
In English, “distracting” has a negative connotation. But it seems more like Paul is making the simple observation that marriage can put more demands on your attention than singleness.
It’s OK to have a strong, passionate desire for marriage. Nowhere does the Bible condemn this. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul talks about single people who “burn with passion” and he urges these people to marry. He does not accuse them of idolatry. He does not scold them over how shortsighted they are. He even says that it’s better to marry than to “burn with passion.”
Marriage is a genuinely good thing. There’s certainly something special and unique about it that, understandably, lots of people want to experience. It makes sense, doesn’t it? You mention Adam and Eve. This is actually an important observation to make when it comes to this issue. Marriage was part of God’s original plan, in Paradise, when the world was perfect. Isn’t that interesting? Even when the world was perfect, God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so He made a partner for him.
Marriage is the most intimate and special way that any other human will ever choose you and love you. It’s understandable why people want that, and why it hurts when it doesn’t work out. There’s definitely something unique about marriage isn’t there? Yes, your family loves you, but it’s not that kind of love. Yes, your friends love you, but it’s not that kind of love. And yes, Jesus loves you……but it’s not that kind of love. Sex is just one part of that. Sex is the most intimate way anyone will every physically love you and connect with you. It’s understandable that people want that. And it’s not necessarily “idolatry.”
Interestingly enough, a lot of research (almost all secular) indicates that married people are happier, have more and better sex, make more money, live longer and impact society more. It’s a societal foundation, apparently. Well, then!
Yes, marriage has its challenges. But there’s enjoyable and good things about marriage, too. Enjoyable and good things that, if you’re single, you simply miss out on. That’s certainly hard, and should be acknowledged.
“Jesus is the only one who can fill that emptiness that you feel.” I’m not sure about that. Jesus doesn’t fulfill every one of our desires. If He did, why would anyone bother getting married?