When it comes to the beginnings of a relationship, many of us girls have been brought up with the idea that it is the guys who should be the ones to make the first move. Whether it’s through films, books, songs or just general culture- the knight in shining armour idea is one that is hard to shake.
And there’s a romantic side to me that LOVES the traditional idea of that – and if that has been your story, yay! But I’ve begun to notice that this idea has left many girls feeling powerless over their own love-lives, and that is something I don’t love quite so much. Having feelings for someone but feeling like we aren’t able to do anything about it in case we are labelled as ‘desperate’ or ‘over-eager’ is one of the most frustrating situations ever.
So, if this has been your story, this is for you.
Amongst the craziness of the Old Testament there’s a little story about a woman called Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi, and to cut a super sad story short, they both lost everything, including their home and the men they loved.
Fast forward a few years and Ruth bumps into a man named Boaz, who by biblical standards was a solid 10/10. After Boaz caught Ruth’s attention she does something kinda strange, she sneaks into the room where he is sleeping, wakes him up and asks him to “spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a guardian-redeemer of our family” – Ruth 3:9.
Instead of being utterly confused like any normal person, Boaz is filled with happiness and promises to take care of Ruth forever. Weird, I know.
What we may not realise, is that by asking Boaz to share the ‘corner of his garment’ with her, Ruth is actually proposing to him! That’s Old Testament talk for – Hey Boaz, fancy marrying me?
Pretty cool, huh?
By proposing to Boaz, Ruth changed the course of history as we can read in the book of Matthew that Ruth and Boaz were the great great great great great great great (you get the idea) grandparents of Jesus.
And all because Ruth decided that she was okay with being the one to make the first move.
So, here’s what I’m trying to say – maybe being the one to approach the guy would be your worst nightmare, that’s okay. Maybe you’re happily waiting for your knight in shining armour, that’s okay too. But maybe you’re feeling like you have no control over your own love-life, like your future depends on being noticed by a boy who’s then brave enough to do something about it, that’s not okay.
Let’s stop sitting in church, school, uni, or wherever, just staring at our crush willing him to come and talk to us. Boys aren’t mind-readers, we put a lot of pressure on them by expecting them to pick up on feelings that we’re too afraid to show.
You have permission to be brave. You have permission to take control. You have permission to be a Ruth.
Let’s learn to partner with boys through the wonderful, awkward, exciting, cringey, butter-fly giving journey that is dating!