“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28
Whenever I am thinking on or praying about relationships, mine or other peoples, this verse is always an excellent foundation. God makes things work for your good, and that includes your dating life. If you trust in Him and listen to what he says about relationships, He will work for your good.
Dating is complicated, tricky, testing and can be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. But it can also be joyful and Christ honouring. Doing it right is flipping hard and requires some serious dedication. I’m not claiming to have this down, or to always get it right. In fact, I feel able to talk and write about this topic precisely because I have got it wrong so many times and God has consistently shown me grace and turned my mistakes into good.
I have found that the main challenges facing Christian girls (and the ones I struggled with HUGELY) are dating non-Christians, not having sex before you’re married, and the christian relationship myth! I’ll briefly touch on these three things from what I’ve learnt in my own experiences.
But honestly, the main lesson I’ve learnt is a difficult one: it’s frustrating and easy to pretend it’s not true, but God’s way is the best way, like it or not.
Ready? Let’s go…
To start, the Bible pretty specifically tells us we should not be having relationships with non-Christians: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” – 2 Corinthians 6: 14-15
Your mission to share your faith with non-Christians doesn’t extend to dating them. There is good reason for this instruction, but I remember in my youth groups and with my Christian girl friends we would find so many excuses to ignore it, because we liked guys that weren’t Christian and wanted to justify ourselves!
It’s so easy to do, but I have dated a few non-Christian guys and in my opinion, it’s not worth it. They may be amazing but in my experience, they didn’t pray for me, didn’t try and stick to the values I have, didn’t challenge me, weren’t be able to build me up in faith and not having that did not make the fact that they were cute worth the sacrifice.
I’ve been with my boyfriend 6 months now, not massively long but it is my first Christian relationship and the difference that makes is phenomenal. He points me to Christ, shares wisdom, prays for and with me, encourages me when I am feeling doubtful and fights with me to hold firm to my faith and the values we share. My experience, my getting-it-wrong, has taught me that you might not like what God’s telling you to do, but doing it WILL be what’s best for you.
This includes not having sex….
Not Having Sex Before You’re Married
I don’t know what you’ve been taught about sex, including maybe by your church, but I’ve found that often the focus is on young women’s purity, and it’s imagined that you will simply have to deny and fight off men’s advances.
This is not true. You will also want to have sex, and just because your boyfriend might be a Christian, don’t imagine that the temptation won’t be an issue. But again, I’ve done this wrong before, and believe me if you have a non-Christian boyfriend, sticking to this is a whole lot harder, and it causes huge amount of heartache and hurt. God set this rule for a reason, and it’s too clear in the Bible to try and argue your way around it (me and my friends tried that one too!): “The body is not meant for sexual sin” – 1 Corinthians 6:13. The Bible pretty much STARTS by telling us that a man (Adam in Genesis) “will be united to his wife” – Genesis 2:24.
This is so difficult to stick to but it’s what God wants from us, obedience to him is tricky, but worth it. But know that if you’ve had sex, you aren’t unforgivable. I’ve found that women having sex before marriage is often treated for some reason as a sin worse than others, it’s not. There is always enough grace, God’s love does not alter when you have sex: “Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered” – Romans 4:7.
The Christian Relationship Myth
Finally, an actual Christian relationship is really not what you’d think! I imagined that when I did meet and fall in love with the guy God had for me that it would be easy, that I’d be a fantastic girlfriend and that he would never let me down.
That’s not the case, the only perfect love is the love God has for us. Christian relationships are messy, complicated and sometimes they break down. I fight with my boyfriend, sometimes he’s annoying, sometimes I’m frustrating or just not loving him properly. There isn’t a constant stream of sunlight around us. Real life is messy, and relationships are too.
But God is faithful, and prayer that he will sustain you goes a long way. Some days, love will be a choice, but that proves that it’s real. Heartbreak is not impossible for Christians, and the first guy you try to date in a God honouring way might not be the guy, there might not even be a guy (there’s an excellent post on singleness here, sooooo worth checking out), but “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” – Psalm 34:18.
Relationships are both wonderful and testing, but the best way to do them will always be God’s way, whether we like it or not. Your relationship with Jesus is ultimately far more important, but dating and marriage is a gift from God and if you listen to and follow what He says about it, it will be worth it!
Hey! Hopefully you will still see this. I have been in a relationship for over a year now. Me & my boyfriend are both Christians & we love our Heavenly Father. But however we are having sex. & I recently starting feeling guilty & it’s been driving me crazy. I have been having crazy thoughts, confusion & a lot of stress because I worry God will take him away because of this sin. I had a talk with my boyfriend and he was completely fine with taking a break from having sex, but it’s easier said then done. I told my mom because the guilt was starting to drive me crazy. & she was understanding & she tells me he is my “it person” because she feels peace for us and peace only comes from God. But she said we should take a break from having it as well. I worry that if we don’t then God will remove him. I don’t commit this sin to cause any harm it’s just because I love my boyfriend & enjoy it. But I get scared God is mad. I really just pray God will forgive me & allow this relationship to work because I truly love this man & I know he loves me as well.
Praying for you both. The Spirit will chasten us to repent, because we know what we know is wrong. We don’t want to hirt God, but we all do. Have a convo with your bf, and just let him know that love is love shown by God. He demands the best for us as His kids, and that means to wait.
My caveat, I’m a pastor with 4 grown daughters, and 2 grandbabies. I was married for 28 years before my wife passed on. I have been dating for 4 months a woman who knows Jesus, and also lost her husband. So we know intimacy and sex as married people. But we also know and honor God during this time. We know the gift of sex in a marriage. It is much better to wait and please God with your body.
I understand where you’re coming from too. I’m in a similar situation where I love my boyfriend so much and he loves me too, we haven’t had sex yet because we are obviously trying to wait till marriage, but we really want to be intimate with each other because w e love eachother, and I really don’t want God to remove him for the sins. It’s just making me crazy in my mind because we both want to get married now, because we love each other and we want to be together forever, however we are currently 19 and our families wouldn’t approve of us getting married now. As you know in this society people get married much later than during the times in the Bible, which makes it much harder to wait. It’s just hard because we want to have it now, we feel it so much, we want to live like we’re married, but people won’t approve of marriage so young. So any advice for that?
You are good to teach Young about how to live a healthy , good and godly and better life until marriage.
Thanks for the input and wisdom. I would like to have some advice regarding my relationship at the current moment. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now, but have been friends prior to us dating. He and I have both struggled with porn and the urges of sexual satisfaction from one another. He and I love the lord and serve him and even do ministry work like leading studies and such. We are perusing marriage and I love him whole heartily. However we have fallen into sex and continue to struggle stopping. It’s been difficult because my living situation and family is highly dysfunctional and his family were kind enough to open their arms to me. He is supposed to be sleeping on the couch, but I feel guilty asking for him to do that since it is his home and not mine. I’m praying for godly woman to come and help me or have a good stable job to get a place on my own, but this living situation has been a stumbling block for him and I. We had fallen into sex before my mom kicked me out, but it wasn’t as often as it is now. I ask my mom to take me back home, but due to some issues she’s dealing with she won’t allow it. He is a good man and loves the Lord and he loves to lead, but during these acts of us falling into temptation, he is the one who has tempted me from the start, and I willingly go through with it. We are burning with passion and wish to marry soon, but I’m afraid the Lord has cursed our relationship and wishes us to separate because our sin. Please. I need wisdom.
I hope that you and your bf are still together. He sounds like a great boyfriend and you sound like a great girlfriend. I am also a christian, but I’ve a non Christian bf. He is a believer of God as you don’t necessarily have to be baptized to be considered a believer. We pray for each other, we pray together, we have been getting closer and closer to God. We are deeply in love with each other. I have found that the more we grow spiritually, the closer we get emotionally until I lost my virginity to him. Having a single partner whom you love and they love you and you both connect on a spiritual and emotional level is great. Therefore, getting physical with this person shouldn’t make you feel so bad. I used to strongly believe in marriage before sex because that’s what the church teaches. It demonizes women having sex while not so much with men. They relate our purity as women to being a virgin. I have realized that purity does not necessarily translates to virginity but to having a good heart and soul. I too keep wondering if God will condemn my relationship but all He has been doing is blessing it and allowing us to grow in every aspect while getting closer to Him. So if you and your partner are strongly into each other and has put God at the centre of your relationship and believes that you will get married then I think it’s ok. Just don’t forget to include Him always. Also, people tend to forget that marriage in the Bible was a complete different process from what is seen as marriage today. Back then, if you read the Bible closely you would realize that once you had sex then you were considered married. Nowadays we hold a big ceremony etc. But what if God blessed your relationship and has approved of it? You become one flesh with this man God blessed you with, if we are gonna follow what’s stated in the Bible then technically you are married but not legally or in the manner of what is seen as marriage today. So in short I think it’s ok if you are sure God has blessed your relationship and that you are certain you will get married.
Wow this has helped me alot but me to i have a problem.l have a boyfriend we had never had sex but we do romance and he taught me to do it even he taught me how to Romance his dick.i feel am tired of doing it but he says when i do it for him he can’t think about sex and he says what we are doing it’s not bad bythwa we are all Christians.what should i do yet l love the guy soo much..
I and my boyfriend have been dating for two years, his parents are aware of it and mine too but one-sided….. he’s a believer in Christ but am more of that than him now…..we do have sex but I just realized that in following Christ we had to stop it….the change was going really well and I got really spiritual gradually…. but at some point I visited him and he made advances at me which was very difficult and time lasting but at it all we had sex….am really ashame and disappointed…. he promised to follow my decision this time and build a good relationship with God till we get married but I feel am being short of Mercy and a chance how’s restart all over… please can you help
God judges the intent of your heart, romancing your boyfriends dick is actually wrong cos from the heart, the lost of the flesh is satisfied thereby offending the spirit of God
Hi having read throughout the various experiences of others, I’m encouraged, but same time confused.
My Boyfriend and i have been friends since in our secondary school days and just made a year together as a couple. My worry is we’re in a distance relationship, and every time he comes home, we get to have sex , becus we get to see each other yearly. I’m a christian and he a a Catholic, but totally believes and acknowledges God. Though I’m more the spiritual one in the relationship. We both have the worry of having sex and it being a sin. But we don’t know wat to do since it’s a distance relationship. We both love each other and prepared for marriage. But the eager for the sex when ever he’s around is so high that we can’t resist ourselves. We want to do things the right way, but it isn’t easy especially when we haven’t seen each other for like a year or two. Plz how can we stop.
I have been dating my girlfriend now 3years now and we haven’t ever had sex but only mare romance and cuddling .We are both Christians ( catholic) but now she is more into God than me and she wants me to do same and give all my life to Christ and still insist we would not have sex only after marriage and I love sex but I also love ,adore and respect her . Please I am kind of confused bcs I don’t know if I would be able to cope with it and I love my girlfriend so much that I can’t even explain how much I do love her . Please I would need advice please
Well if you’ve been with her for three years and you guys are old enough, have a proper job, financial stability, etc. why don’t you ask her to marry you? In my perspective that’s the only way I see. I don’t know your thoughts on this but if you really love her as you say this may be a great solutions and… you’ll be having sex in marriage.
Really helpful thanks!
Hi. I’ve had a boyfriend for 6 years now. We haven’t done anything other than hugging and holding hands. We are both Christians and we want to serve God well and not commit any sins, but we are a little confused! We are wondering if we can have our first kiss because we really don’t know if it’s right or wrong. I’m sure we know when to stop, and we both have self control. We love each other very much, and he is also the best boyfriend ever!!! Can someone please tell me if it’swrong or if there is nothing wrong with it please, and if you can find any scriptures to go along with it too, that would be really appreciated! Oh, and I almost forgot. We are both 15. I really do love him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him! I’m sure this is just or anything like that, because we’ve been together for so long! And we also know each other inside out! Thanks in advance!
Your relationship is perfect, if you introduce kisses, you might be giving the devil a chance to ruin what you have built for a long time. Kissing is part of sexual pleasure. Keep up with your warm Christian relationship.
I and my boyfriend we love each other we are both Christain but he is not much in God like I am I want us to stop having sex and focus on our future but I am scared ,he is loyal to me and He respects me , i always feel he is my husband but I don’t know why i am doubting myself and the even when I doubt I hear a voice saying he is my husband but I am confused of feelings I get about him being my husband. I don’t know what to do please I need answers
This is very similar to my relationship. I have a boyfriend for almost 3 years now both Christian , we stopped having sex and started forcing on God . He isn’t as much into the word and having a relationship with God as I am . He gets tempted a lot and wanting to have sex but he knows to wait, it’s a struggle. I wish he would be into God as I am also I think he could be my husband but at the same time I’m not sure I’m very confused
me and my bf have been together 7 months now. his friends have been calling me crazy bc i want to wait until marriage to have sex. he says he will wait for me. but i feel like i am disappointing him. he says if we break up he wouldn’t wait til marriage so i know he prob wants to but he says he will wait on me. i just feel like i am letting him down and idk what to do
I my boyfriend and I love each other we are both Christain but he is not much in God like I am We want to having sex and focus on our future but I am scared he is loyal to me and I always feel he is my husband but I don’t know like i am doubting myself and the feelings I get about him being my husband.
For me, the best thing you should do is to stop having sex and focus on serving God, you’ve got a right decision if you stand on your faith in God, whether your boyfriend would like it or not , the most important thing is that you choose the good choice just to save your both souls . God knows his plan for us, according in Jeremiah 29:11, a plan that will not harm us.. so always remember God’s plan is higher than our plan so don’t doubt in choosing the good thing that would lead you to life, God be with you sister, may God enlighten you now and may His peace be with you
I have a bf…he is a christain…but he loves sex….he doesn’t want to engage in penetration but he loves smooching ND kissing….. I don’t like it…ND this is against my faith….. Ma what should I do….
So basically my boyfriend and have been together for about a year now and it’s had its ups and downs. We do have sex and he is the first and only person I’ve had it with. but sometimes I get doubtful. We’ve talked about it, and it turns out that I felt like I didn’t have confidence in him to be together to the point of marriage. But he assured me that we will be together and get married. I feel like I would want to gain my confidence and mental strength through God, and I want him to do the same in terms of building a better relationship with God. But I feel like he doesn’t take it that seriously sometimes. But I know eventually as I keep trying, though it may be hard, we’ll get somewhere. And about having sex… is that we need to dedicate our relationship to God…or does it have to be a written on paper kind of marriage? I’m confused… especially when it comes to what it is to be “sexually immoral”. We both deeply love each other especially with what it is we’ve gone through. But I’m not sure…I don’t know why I feel like a bad person sometimes. He always tells me to believe in my self but honestly .. I don’t know
I suggest u stop having sex with him and go to God for forgiveness because u are not supposed to do that when u are not married.any man or woman that loves someone no matter how tempting though a person can fall but because the person knows that the person will find a way to marry u or tell u stay away untill e finds a way to marry u .
Please have you been able to deal with this? If yes, can you please share some of things you have done to overcome. Thank you!
Please have you been able to deal with this? If yes, can you please share some of things you have done to overcome. Thank you!
Hi! So Im a Christian and my boyfriend is Catholic. I haven’t been strong in my faith and I have recently reconnected my relationships with God. My boyfriend however, isn’t on the same wavelength and doesn’t have that relationship with him that I do. Before I reconnected, me and my boyfriend were having sex. However, I recently told him that God wants us to wait till marriage and I don’t want to do it anymore, and he agreed and said that he supports my decision. I’m just worried that because he’s not really a Christian this relationship isn’t Gods plan, but also he respects my wishes and because of that do you think my faith might impact him? We are really close, he’s an incredibly sweet guy, never gets mad, and is so supportive. Do you think our relationship worth saving?
Wow, I’m also having the same problem here. And the coincidence is that he is also a Catholic.
Ofcourse you should. Love doesn’t have a religion.
If it’s really love..your religion shouldn’t be an issue.
bro wait same
Yes I do this it’s worth it! He sounds like a gentleman hearing and accepting your decision and being on board with it! Don’t worry about it too much , everything comes to light so if u have some doubtful ness that he might not be up to promise then you’ll see that
I am a Christian. My boyfriend is a Christian. We’ve known each other for many years but we started dating few months back. We have always felt the sensation we are meant for each other for many reasons which I may not be able to state here.
We had sex.
We did not like it. We both felt shame and we started a process of recommitting ourselves to God and of course our relationship. So far I will say hit has been awesome as he has been spearheading the move and he is driving our recommitment process so well.
In our country some churches do not join couples that have committed sexual sin, despite our recommitment to purity. We also do not want our story to be in the hands of church leaders here as our part of the country is a lot interwoven and the elders in these churches(mine and his) have proven not to be chaste with other people’s information.
We both know we have been forgiven and we can see it even in each other’s personal lives and we know the future is great for the both of us. Do you think we should obey our church’s verdict not to get married and just call off the engagement and live a life of regret? Or do we keep our story to each other and be truly sincere with one another and God?
I’d appreciate your advice. Thanks Ella.
Id advice you to continue with your engagement and eventually marry your boyfriend. Christian journey is hard, not because we are not willing to obey but because no matter what we’ll always be imperfect. God is no monster, he forgave you and your boyfriend. Marriage is from God afterall and maybe you should start reminding yourself that God forgives us of our sins and he remembers them no more.
I’m currently in a relationship broken up twice but have gotten back together with him over the past year, we really do like and adore each other and he understands that I am waiting until marriage for sex as well as respects that. Although he is not a Christian, I pray that god comes to him. Is this okay ?
I’m in a relationship with a man I love very much. We were together years ago, I was living with him. About 2 years into it, I felt like he didn’t love me enough to discuss, ask me to marry him so I moved out. He was the only man I’ve dated was good to me. He treated me with a protective love and understanding. He listened to me, he respected me. I guess I thought that if he hadn’t mentioned marrying me, I was good enough for him. That’s why I moved out. I NEVER stopped thinking about him, missing him. I came from an abusive past, it caused me to misjudge men and how they felt about me. They wanted to marry me. They wanted me for reasons that ended up not being love. To support them, they said we should get married because we were having sex. I did. In all cases I married them because I was having sex and felt if we were married it would be okay, I’d feel less guilty. IT DID NOT WORK>
I got divorced. I file for the divorce because in neglecting the red flags that the Lord was showing me, despite the sex, the true personalities came to light, or rather I, Me, started seeing them and I for what we were at the time. This is long and confusing but I recently went to confession before lent. The man I spoke of in the very beginning, he and I are back together. He never married, being with him is amazing. He is a good man. He’s not an alcholic, nor does he drink at all like the ones I divorced. He is honest with me even if it’s a tough love honesty and I respect him So much. He doesn’t hold my past marriages against me. He basically said I didn’t spend enough time getting to know them. I replied “I married them because I felt guilty for having sex, I thought t was the right thing to do.”I even told the Priest that in confession. So I understand now that he doesn’t rush into anything, especially for the wrong reasons. If I had known that then, I wouldn’t have moved out. He recently had his prostate removed due to cancer.I want to help him recover as much as possible sexually out of pure love for him without hurting myself which I told the priest at confession. I don’t feel guilt when we make love. I feel faith, not fear. I confess it to God and I ask him to see my heart. I believe He does and forgives me every time we do. Now that it is more like therapy, He forgives me even more. I know in my heart Johnny (his name) will be together for the rest of our lives, we are engaged. I have to believe Our Heavenly Father sees each of our situations by judging our hearts. There is ZERO lust here. It is ALL About Love.
My boyfriend is asking me for sex and I can’t do it bcos have told him frm the beginning that no sex but now he is asking for it and bcos this he is giving me attitude am just confused bcos he is a Christian nd agreed to sex at first,advice plz
You need to sit and talk about I. He has to understand and respect your wishes. If he can’t follow Christ and go on this journey with you….what kind of marriage will that be. If it continues and he’s just being ignorant about it….,end the relationship and pursue God. Pray on it especially
Leave him and go your way remember that Christian is just a general name and it was given to they Paul because de behave Christ like so let him go and go to God .
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SEARCH RESULTS FOR “SO… HOW DO YOU FIGHT OFF TEMPTATION? ME AND MY BOYFRIEND ARE LIFE LONG BEST FRIENDS. WEVE BEEN TOGETHER ALMOST 2 YEARS. WE ARE BOTH BIG BELIEVERS AND HAVE 5 KIDS ALTOGETHER. YES OUR PASTS ARE MESSY. WE ARE TRYING TO WAIT TILL WE GET MARRIED. WEVE PRAYED AND TRIED AND TRIED TO FIGHT THE TEMPTATION. BY READING OUR BIBLES TOGETHER OR TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. OUR CHEMISTRY IS AMAZING ALWAYS HAS BEEN. I REALLY LOVE HIM BUT LOVE GOD MORE. WE ARE HOPING TO GET MARRIED SOON BUT ITS COMPLICATED… HOW CAN WE FIGHT THE TEMPTATIONS.. JUST BECAUSE WE KEEP SLIPPING UP AND KNOW BETTER.. DOES THAT MEAN WE CANT BE FORGIVEN?”
Shallom…?I’m amazed and had to show my heartfelt gratitude about the article..it has abundantly exposed me back to a real truth..
I’m too in a way the victim of the same influence.for instance,me i’m a gentleman,a God fearing and born again for a year now..i have been involved and engaged to a lady of the same faith.same dominion but not the same geographical church..infact i havent meet with her physically,meaning i havent sex with her nor neither have arouse or massage her..but my problem and weakness is that i have a strong feelings of afflictions..what then should i do?To merely felt relieved of these intimate feelings..she and i are really in agreement never to attempt sex before our wedding in the future..kindly counsel me please.
Thankyou in advance.
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Hi, I’m in a new relationship with my boyfriend who is Christian and I’m Catholic. I’m not big into my faith which means I have room for change. Im surrounded by a lot of negativity about religion. I was once so into my faith and I was happy but since then I have drifted. I believe in God but somedays that belief is stronger than others. I need some advice on practicing abstinence with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now and have been having sex very often but now he needs to stop. I love him very much and he loves me just as much. I want to be supportive but this is a huge change. I believe we can work this out and have a future along with him leading me back to my faith. I just want some words that will make this change in our relationship seem worth it, with no negativity.
I am also 19 and he’s 23. Thought to mention that.
It’s hard to imagine you can properly understand how deeply you love each other after 4 months. There just isn’t enough base. You need to tell him but be prepared he will likely show some resistance or potentially say “look, that’s not the relationship I want to have, we should break up.” You can’t fault him for this—abstinence is not what he signed up for—but if it does happen it can be tough and cause you to question your morals. Don’t let it. Good luck! luck
Hi, I am currently dating someone we are both “Christians” by name but latley I haven’t been practicing as I used to. The guy he goes church here and there but believes in God. When we started out I stated I want to wait for marriage but unfortunately it’s happened a few times. Does this mean we cant be together or can we start again and not have sex? Does this work or do we have to break of completly? Thanks
This sounds like a tricky situation- and one I have totally been in before!!
If your relationship with Jesus is becoming a priority again, that’s amazing. It doesn’t mean you absolutely have to break up with your boyfriend. If you can both, prayerfully and thoughtfully, get back on track, put Jesus back at the centre of your relationship and commit to waiting until marriage again, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t stay together! However, if you keep tripping up and aren’t pushing each other to grow in faith, it might be time to sacrifice that relationship for the sake of your faith. That is such a hard choice to make and I would get some wise Christian friends around you and pray the decision through. Ultimately, if it isn’t bringing you closer to God, it isn’t from Him and it isn’t for you. The most important thing to remember is that there is grace for you xx
It is hard to follow the bible by not having sex. But GOD word doesn’t change. There are penalties that we experience. I was recently dumped because I wasn’t comfortable having sex because I knew it was wrong.
The person I was dating goes to church but doesn’t follow biblical principles. He has found another lady in the church that not only will have sex but belies in living together. It is painful
to see them in church but I know this too will pass.
“But know that if you’ve had sex, you aren’t unforgivable. I’ve found that women having sex before marriage is often treated for some reason as a sin worse than others, it’s not. There is always enough grace, God’s love does not alter when you have sex: “Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered” – Romans 4:7.”
That quote is not said enough! Thank you for being open and sharing your experiences but also with truth. As someone who struggles with sexual sin, it can be hard to believe grace extends after continously struggling for years in one way or another. With the large majority of churches/Christians not being willing or open to talking about sexual temptation, let alone reminding people that “sin is sin. One type of sin, whatever it is, is at the same level as any other sin, including sexual sin” it can be difficult to climb out of the spiral of self hatred/punishing oneself/shame/etc which only further deepens that spiral. Plus, Not so many websites just tell to stop having sex but few seem to remind of the good news of the cross, forgiveness of sins, reconciliation with God, and nothing can separate us from that love. It’s encouraging to see that you are able and willing to speak up, sharing and reminding people of grace. That’s a message that all too often gets overlooked because of judgment or silence.
So thank you for speaking up, sharing, and pointing those who read this back to Jesus.
“Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’” (I believe God wanted me to share that with you. He is proud of you and and rejoices over you with loud singing).
maybe God forgives you but it’s hard to forgive oneself. Also, sexual sins tend to leave one open to more sin stagnancy and emotional problems like anger and depression (heard these are consequences ) and since a person cant change the past,how do they help the future
What about chemistry in marriage? If the couple don’t see if they are compatible and end up being in a desire-less marriage? What happens then? This is an innocent question because I’ve always wondered. I don’t mean to be offensive.
If there is enough chemistry between two people for them to get married, then I believe that a desire-less marriage is not a possibility. There needs to be attraction and compatibility there before marriage, and while sex can be complicated and awkward at first, if two people are right for each other it can be worked on and made into something amazing!
You’re not being offensive at all, hope that helps.
Hi ! Ive been born again for 4 yrs now , and since then havent dated any1 or have sex with any1 . Cause when i receive christ ive made a convenant with God that i am not going to live my old days , as i was meditating with the book of Romans 8:5-7 . For all this years praying with that schripture my flesh where able to die till today .. The olny thing that comes to me this days , is feeling lonely and sad at the same time .. I believe in my bible when it says in the of 1 Peter 1 :13
Live as God’s obedient children . Dont slip back into ur old ways of living to satisfy ur own desire . You didnt know any better then . But now you must be holy in everything u do , just as God who chose u is holy . For the scriptures say , you must be holy because i am holy . But this lonelines its just coming by force
As Joseph did in the bible, run from temptation! Don’t put yourself in a situation that you feel you can’t walk away from due to pressure from a boyfriend etc. Sex was designed by God for marriage only for our protection. There are no exceptions to this law. If a Christian man doesn’t respect that, he’s not for you. Christian women should not be marrying non believers. As the bible clearly states there is no fellowship between light and darkness. Stay strong, the straight and narrow is worth it 🙂
Like you I can relate to your feelings of loneliness when it comes to obeying the word of God and living as Christ intended us to live. Then I slipped up and went back to my old way of living and dating. Now I’m back again. Dating a new man who shares my faith but like this blog says dating and choosing to love through the imperfections is constant battle. I applaud your dedication and obedience. You are a lot stronger than you think.
Heidi, what are people suppose to do if nobody wants marry them?
Hi ..I’m award…I have a boyfriend, a christian but we have been attempting sex for four years we have been together..i love God , so I decided to go back and repent ..we have stayed so way for month and my boy struggles to abstain but sometimes fails and talks to me about it…I keep telling him we can do that only after we are married…he is a believer but not that seriously into God…one thing I also wish he should love God as much as a real christian…what to do
If YOU keep your eyes on God, He will take care of you and reveal to you what you should do in time. Remember that nothing is a wait of time, it only takes time, so be patience with yourself and with God to show you what He has for you! I believe in you and you can do this!!! God was there for you before you BF so remember to magnify God as He should be. don’t be afraid because God made you exactly how He wants you. Remember that a Godly relationship is when both parties have their own personal relationship with God aside from one another, you can’t force your BF, you and only encourage Him, and be graceful and forgiving toward him….your not alone, Jesus is with us and also I’m going through the exact same thing…but I know your a woman of God and therefore you can do it!!! Be blessed girl!
I totally agree with the statement preaching against abstinence and waiting for the right partner for sex in marriage. Sex appears simple to have, yet its the most complicated thing in the world if done outside the confines of marriage. A slow killer indeed and a disruptor is many Christian marriages. It bring s a lot of confusion, frustration and anger, not to talk of the accompanied guilt that lingers for a long period of time. God creates sex for the pleasure of man and woman, but the wrong use of it can destroy one mentally and emotionally.
I love your post. Anonymous ❤️
this is so true, I can say because I’m living the consequences
I am 56 years old. Divorced twice from 2 abusive marriages. I contracted a STD virus from my second marriage which kept me from getting sexually involved with guys I was dating. However now I met an amazing, but non Christian gentleman who respects my boundaries about touching and sex. It’s is hands off. He loves me and respects my wishes but is confused. He has been wrecked by parochial school and their twisted application of God. Here’s my dilemma: how do I hold the Bible card up til I tell him about my situation. And also show him scriptuture about purity? All the scripture is about adulterous affairs and incest.
There’s plenty of scripture about purity other than incest and affairs. 1 Corinthians 6:18 talks about how sexual immorality being the one sin that is not an outer sin but a sin against your body which is huge because our body is a temple according to God. Colossians 3:5 says to cast away these sins of the earthy nature . A sin is a sin and God will forgive you if you repent but you have to strive not to continue to do these sins. So put forth the idea that you would like to be better than you were in the past, and even play the card that you were physical in the past and it didn’t work so you want to do things right this time around. I know this can be very hard but I encourage you to lift him up and get him back into scripture the correct way. God talks about being unevenly yoked and I am suffering in a relationship because of it. You have to stand firm in your relationship with the Lord and if he’s not running with you and he’s dimming your light you have to do what’s best for you and your relationship with God even if that means leaving him to find what Gods true plan is. I’ll be praying for you and I wish you the best of luck in this journey .
Hi… well, I have been courting for six years now and have been planning to get married but due to education, there has been a delay with the marriage, but now, my boyfriend wants to propose to me but am not ready for marriage, and he’s demanding for sex, wat do I do
I had the same issue with a guy I was dating. He asked if I was a virgin and I told him yes and that I wanted to remain abstinent until propsal/marriage. Well I put myself in a bad situation with him (we agreed to sleep in the same bed without having sex). He ended up asking me to have sex but I was to naive and felt pressured to say yes because of the moment we were in. So I ended up sad, regretful and angr angry for my mistake. I told the guy how I felt and he apologized. He felt guilty. I asked him to pray with me about not allowing that to happen again. He did agree that he would not ask me to have sex again. He actually promised he would wait till I was ready and he promised to marry me. However, the next time we stayed together he pressured me again by blindsiding me to ask me if I wanted to have sex. This time it caught me off guard and I found myself again disrespecting my values. This time I told him I think we needed some time apart to think about our sexual sin but he got angry at me and immediately dumped me only to date another woman right after or before dumping me. I don’t understand how this guy called himself a Christian or a “man of integrity” if he showed no sympathy or remorse for taking my virginity and not apologizing or acknowledging my hurtful pain. Instead he dumps me tells me to never every talk to him and then he has his aunt call and cussed me out because I tried to ask him about his sexual STD history. I didn’t know if I should have gotten tested for something he had since he was my first. I understand that he decided that he didn’t want to be with me or marry me but I thought he was a decent real man to acknowledge our sin and the hurtful feelings but he ghosted on me and treated me like I was a piece of “trash”. I had supported, encouraged, and prayed for this young man while we were together. I just hope he doesn’t treat his new girlfriend or wife like he did to me. I learned my lesson about trusting guys who claim they are a Christian and a man of integrity.
So I can have sex if I am in saved and in the church.
Hi..I left a comment when I first found this site June 24th. I don’t think it was ever posted. It would not take my email address which is dr_mack @yahoo. com……it waited to use a email address I used a few years back when I published a couple of blog post on WordPress. I really hope this post get published because I have been to share my testimony on how i got my lover back …. this is a miracle. So much is going on right now…..but mostly I want say i am so happy. Dr Mack was a great helper when my Husband broke apart from me but he later came back after i used the service of Dr Mack.
Thank you so much for saving my marriage.
no sweetie, while it is a gift from God, having it at the wrong time will hurt you and God doesn’t want you to hurt
Very good comment. I being in a relationship for eleven year. We both attend church rarely and read the word. However, we are not marry but having unmarried sex, which I feel bad afterward. I feel we should be marry by now.
What about the woman at the well? In John 4:4, Jesus talks with a Samaritan Woman. What should we learn from that example? Jesus said “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband….” I think God wants us to be happy and that there is a right and wrong way to go about finding a marriage mate but we have to be careful because God gave us hormones and feelings and his word. You must be careful because you are linked with the first person you lose your virginity to. Matthew 19:5-6 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.” If you are not careful upon selection to find the one as closest to perfection and God or Christian you are headed down a lifetime of hurt, indescribable mental pain and/or diseases. Then again if you are truly seeking God then your religion may change until you find the truth and you shouldn’t be looking for a marriage partner anyways. Abraham got married again but only after Sarah died. Solomon was promiscuous even though he was married. Mary and Joseph were virgins before they married and stayed that way until after Jesus was conceived. So as you can see there is no perfect example of marriage in the bible because there are no perfect people but if you want to avoid the wrath of God, do not neglect his teachings. I am the perfect example. I wasn’t in church after high school, left home without a mate, had ungodly counsel(friends) and ended up losing my virginity by my first pap smear after fooling around one time with a guy.
Then being naked with a woman one time and then getting dumped by a guy I liked but hadn’t married because he dump me to marry someone else. I had an awful ordeal. So learner from experience to trust in God, examine myself, consult the word first, do not put your trust in man and seek God first. They are more than teachings. They are a lamp to my feet. And a light to my path. Psalm 119:105 and keep his commandments if you are his Deutoronomy 4:40. There are a lot of things in this world that can hurt you and like the article said sex can be one less thing to hurt you because no one is perfect and we all sin either intentionally or unintentionally. So be wise take heed what you learn from reading the bible and be careful of the things planted in your head by word of mouth unless it matches up with the bible. The devil roams about like a lion seeking whom he wants to destroy and he can jump in people by means of spirits. Notice you are likely to be a lot like the people you are around. There are good spirits and bad spirits and waiting for sex can actually be a protection against bad ones. Just always, always, always seek God first.
What if you’re dating a non-Christian and you’ve already had sex with him and only him and his heart isn’t closed off to God but he isn’t there yet and you don’t know if he ever will be- even when everyone is praying for salvation?
Faith in God also includes faith in His timing. Never give up hope. How magnificent would it be to lead your boyfriend to Christ? Be the salt and light and continue to lift him up in prayer.
What if one is in a relationship where sex has been done, should it be interrupted till marage?
Absolutely. You’re not ignorant to what the Bible says. And the word of God is alive. If you’re in a relationship and having sex outside of marriage, and scripture has made an impression on your heart. That’s called conviction. Listen to what God says and stop having intercourse until marriage. You can have a meaningful relationship without sex.
It is not a sin to be with people who have had any kind of sex before you, that is their past not yours. No one should ever be judged for their past. Author needs to consider the worrying questions and feedback she has had from this article.
. I’m not sure which part of the article you are referencing but the truth is, everyone will be judged for their past, by our creator. Only He has the authority and power to judge. As believers, we are called to hold each other accountable. It doesn’t always feel good when someone points out something that we shouldn’t be doing. However, it’s better to accept a warning than suffer the repercussions of sin.
Inspiring young Christian women on a platform as large as the internet on a website as successful as Girl Got Faith is a privilege and an amazing opportunity. If you are going to give your personal opinion about dating non – Christian men (and women) then you need to balance out your argument otherwise it just appears that you are accusing those who have chosen to extend their mission to share their faith with the people they date (whatever faith they may or may not be) as wrong. This article’s author needs to take a lot more care in her choice of wording as she has reached many Christian girls (which is amazing) so make sure they don’t make the reader feel isolated or like they have done wrong. Dating people who are not Christian is not a bad thing it’s just not traditional, but these days what is.
I think the author is right on. she even stated a biblical reference. The isolation they feel is biblical? The Word is explicit about it
This is the issue we have in the world today: everyone wants a perspective that makes them feel good. The fact is, the biblical truth is not going to make everyone feel good. The author laid out the biblical truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Based on a this reply and a few other- people can’t handle the truth. At the very least, it’s a hard pill to swallow. God does not beat around the bush or make us guess. He is crystal clear about His plans for our lives. Sex was made for husband and wife. Believers are to marry each other. Jesus was a friend of sinners and in the same way- we are called to walk in his ways.
Loved this! Really honest and clear, you don’t beat around the bush but that’s great. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you ?
Thanks for being very transparent! We need more articles like this which shows the reality of what young Christian women face!